Garfield Eats Crow
by Ellis97
Summary: After solving a mystery with Sam Spayed, it's time to get back to the real world for new stories. In these; Garfield and Odie go in search of the Last Valley Girl who has made her way to the mall, Orson finds himself in the big city and in some sort of strange scary building and Garfield catches a cold when Jon and Liz go on a date.
1. Teenage Wasteland

**Author's Note:**

 **Now, we're back to Garfield's real life after spending some time in his fantasy mind. So without further ado, let's get onto the show!**

 **Friends are there to help you get started, to give you a push on your way!**

 **Friends are there to turn you around, and get your feet on the ground for a brand new day!**

 **They'll pick you up when you're down.**

 **Help you swallow your pride, when something inside helps you break on through to the other side.**

 **A friend is someone you can open up to when you feel like you're ready to flip.**

 **When you've got the world on your shoulders, friends are there to give you a tip.**

 **And friends are there when you need them. They're even there when you don't.**

 **For a walk in the park, or a shot in the dark, friends are there!**

 **I don't care.**

 **But friends will care for yo-o-o-u-u-u-u-u-u-you!**

 **Garfield** : Some dogs may have been harmed in the making of this story.

* * *

Our story opens up in the backyard of Garfield's house, where we see him and Odie looking in the bushes over at a teenage girl, who is walking out of the back door.

"Do my eyes deceive me, Odie?" Garfield looked at the girl "It would seem to be a peculiar species of human here in this backyard. Brown hair, midriff shirt, ankle length pants, earrings, what could this species be?"

"Ruff, ruff" Odie barked.

"That's Lyman's niece?" Garfield turned to Odie "Her folks left her here for the day"

Odie nodded and then pointed to Lyman, who was walking over towards the girl.

"Listen Shannon, the mall is only a few blocks away, but I don't think it would be safe for you to go on your own" Lyman told his niece "I can't take you because I'm updating my resume today"

"But this is like so boring Uncle Lyman" said Shannon "I want to do something"

"Your folks will be back to get you later tonight, Shannon" said Lyman "In the meantime you can play with Odie or watch TV. But don't leave the perimeter of the house, I don't want anything bad to happen to you"

While Garfield and Odie went to explore more wonders of the backyard jungle, Shannon snuck out of the house and started to walk to the mall. At that same time, Garfield and Odie noticed that Shannon was leaving.

"The old man wants me to watch TV, but like the only thing to watch are commercials and yogurt makers, like totally gross" she said to herself as she walked towards the yard.

"Holy cow!" Garfield thought "The rare specimen is escaping! Come trusty assistant, we must go in search of the last valley girl!"

Odie nodded and followed Garfield to the neighborhood. At that same time, Shannon was wondering where the mall was.

"I bet the mall is like this way" Shannon said as she pointed to the right direction.

Meanwhile, Garfield and Odie had been searching for a while, but they couldn't find Shannon anywhere at all. They lost her in a crowd. Plus, Garfield stocked up on some fish crackers.

"I believe we've lost the trail, faithful assistant" Garfield turned to Odie "I have no idea where else to turn or where she could've gone to"

"Bark!" Odie barked as he pointed to something.

"Of course" Garfield snapped his fingers "The traditional lair of the valley girls...the shopping mall! Thank goodness too. I'd really like to raid the food court"

The duo ran into the mall, not noticing the "NO PETS" sign on the door. They wandered around the mall, looking for Shannon.

"Careful dear companion" Garfield turned to Odie "The mall is crawling with a lot of dangerous things"

All of a sudden, there was a loud announcement from the mall speakers "Attention shoppers! Double sided tape is half price at the stationary store for a limited time only!"

Just then, the ground started to shake and the two saw that it was a stampede of humans running towards them.

"Battle stations, trusty assistant" Garfield grabbed Odie "We must hang onto that plant for assistance"

Garfield and Odie jumped and grabbed the leaf of a tall plant as the humans were stampeding past them. Finally, when the humans were gone, Garfield and Odie fell down from the plant.

"What a relief, trusty compadre" Garfield shook off the dirt "I was almost a mall waffle"

Just then, a security guard came right up to Garfield and Odie.

"Careful faithful companion" Garfield turned up "I sense a dangerous human is lurking us. What dangerous human? Why one of the most dreaded species; Mallus Secruitus"

"Hey!" said the guard "No animals are allowed in the mall!"

Garfield and Odie then ran away from the security guard, who chased after them. While that was happening, Shannon saw them pass by.

"Oh my God" said Shannon "Like, far out and awesome! I'd better check it out"

While Shannon ran after the guard, Garfield and Odie went to the upstairs escalator and started running fast, not knowing that they weren't going anywhere.

"This is working, we're losing him, we're miles ahead of him" Garfield said in his thoughts.

"Ruff!" Odie barked.

"Whew" Garfield sighed "We've been running for a while now, trusty assistant. Let us take a rest"

Garfield and Odie stopped running and were back to the first floor, where the guard was getting impatient and grabbed the duo.

"Rats" Garfield thought "They are also cunning"

Odie whimpered and nodded.

Shannon ran towards the guard "This like totally tubular! Like gag my boss with an awesome tuna fish! Crimenently, even I don't know what I'm saying. Like, uno momentum, dude"

"What is it, missy?" asked the guard.

"Like those are my Uncle Lyman's pets and I would like you to give them back" Shannon told the guard.

"Sorry little lady" said the guard "But you should've thought of that before you brought them in here. I'm afraid I'm going to have to give you a ticket"

"Like no way" Shannon placed her hands on her hips.

"Yes, way" the guard nodded.

While Shannon and the guard kept arguing, Garfield saw some lever and got an idea.

"We have to get out of this trap, faithful companion" he looked at Odie "And I know just how to do it"

Garfield then pulled the lever and the blue light started flashing, which stopped the arguing.

"Attention shoppers, we have another blue light special by the escalators" said the announcer.

Just then, another stampede of crazed shoppers came by and they caused the guard to drop Garfield and Odie and run. Shannon then grabbed the duo and they started running back to the house.

"Like this is horrible, Uncle Lyman is going to go all psycho on me" she said.

They arrived back at the house, where Shannon received a well deserved lecture from her disappointed uncle.

"Now Shannon, I am very disappointed in you" Lyman told her "I specifically told you to stay within the perimeter of the house and you disobeyed me"

"Yes sir" Shannon sighed.

"Now I hope from now on you'll listen to me" Lyman folded his arms "Your mother and father will have a word with me when they get here in an hour"

"Yes sir" Shannon sighed.

Garfield turned to Odie "Well faithful assistant, it looks like our work here is done. Come on, let's get ready for our next adventure; Ribbus Shackus aka, raiding the Davis Rib Shack"

"Ruff" Odie barked.

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Looks like the intrepid Garfield and his assistant Odie have done their safari in the Suburban Jungle. But what awaits them next? Well I'll have to tell you that story sometime in the future. But now, we have to back to US Acres to figure out where Orson is and if his friends will find him. Get ready to have the mystery solved folks!**


	2. Saving My Bacon

As you may remember from our last US Acres adventure, Orson had lost the election to Lord Jefferson, who was revealed to be none other than the evil Robert the Terrible. Despite the truth being exposed, Orson still lost the election and was shipped off in a crate to who knows where. Thus, Robert took over the farm and barnyard was plunged into darkness and despair, courtesy of him and his coyote minions. Meanwhile, Lanolin and several other animals formed a resistance and sent Bo, Roy, Wade and a donkey named Hector to go look for Orson, while Lanolin, Booker, Sheldon, Cody and Blue stayed behind to concoct a plan to get Robert out of the barnyard.

Well, now that we've got that exposition behind us, let's see where Orson is going.

Orson was still trapped in the crate on the truck and had no idea where he was going.

"Oh man, this is terrible" he said to himself "I'm all alone, trapped in this crate and I'm being shipped off to who know's where?"

Just then, the truck hit a speed bump and Orson and the crate tumbled aside. He took a peek through one of the air holes when he saw something. It was a sticker from the inside of the truck's trunk with some kind of hillbilly holding a pig on it and a speech bubble saying "IT'S TINGER STICKING GOOD!"

He read the sticker "Farmer Clem's Pork 'N Stuff?"

The truck had finally arrived at the place it was stopping at. It was some kind of farm, where the driver was picking up another crate with another pig. After driving down the road, the truck finally reached some kind of place that looked like a large barn. The humans then took Orson and the other pig out of the cage and put them right inside a pen with other pigs.

Orson was shocked at all the pigs in that single pen. Just then, one of them came up to him.

"Hey" he said "How you doing, I'm Grunty"

"Orson, nice to meet you" Orson said as he shook the other pig's hand "What's going on? What is this place?"

"This is the processing plant of Farmer Clem's Pork 'N Stuff" Grunty explained "And we're all trapped here"

"What does that mean?" asked Orson.

"It means we're going to be served with eggs" Grunty replied.

"But that would mean that this is a...SLAUGHTERHOUSE?!" Orson gasped.

Grunty nodded "Yep. After losing the truffle hunting race at the county fair, the farmer sent me away to this place. What are you in here for?"

"I lost my leadership and some evil dog shipped me off here" Orson explained.

"Classic move, kid" said Grunty.

"Grunty, we've gotta get outta here" said Orson "I don't wanna be smoked and eaten with barbecue sauce"

"Neither do I, but it's impossible, no one could possibly get to the controls and shut down the system" Grunty replied "A lot of pigs have tried and suffered a cruel fate"

"But we can change it" said Orson "We have to rid the world of this injustice! Attention fellow pigs! My I have your attention please?"

None of the other pigs replied and kept oinking and grunting.

"Uh, guys?" Orson spoke again "Guys?"

The pigs kept grunting and oinking.

"Here, let me help" Grunty said as he cleared his throat "Ahem! HEY PIGS!"

The other pigs finally shut up and turned their attention to Orson.

"Thank you" said Orson "Fellow pigs! Some of you may not know this, but this is a slaughterhouse and we are going to be turned into pork chops!"

The pigs squealed and started panicking.

"But listen" said Orson "We are going to end this injustice once and for all! We are going to escape and end that hillbilly, Clem's reign of evil!"

"Yeah" said the other pigs.

"Pigs have to stick together and we've got to make sure no animal will suffer the greedy hands of man!" Orson said in a motivational tone "We are going to stop this once and for all!"

"But how do we escape, Orson?" asked Grunty.

"All I have to do is get to that control panel and shut down the system" Orson told the other pigs "Does anyone know where it is?"

The pigs all pointed to the panel on the end of the slaughterhouse.

"Don't worry my fellow piggies, I shall have us out of here in no time!" Orson proclaimed "Or my name isn't..."

Orson quickly ran out and came back wearing some kind of costume.

"POWER PIG!" he finished.

The other pigs started laughing, when all of a sudden, they heard some noise.

"Get that machine started up!" Farmer Clem yelled to his employees "I want me some pork chops and sausages!"

Orson gasped "Looks like I'd better make it fast!"

Using his expert pig power, Orson was able to dodge the obstacles and make it to the control panel. I'd tell you guys how he did it, but I don't feel like it. Anyways, Orson reached the controls and saw the lever to shut down the systems.

"Here we go" he thought.

Orson pulled down the lever and the machines all stopped and the pigs were freed from their prison.

"Run my brothers! You're free!" Orson shouted.

The pigs all ran out of the slaughterhouse and into the woods, while Orson followed them. Let's just say when Farmer Clem got back to his farm, he didn't take the news too well.

"Wow kid, you sure did a great job leading those pigs to safety and I would've ended up on someone's breakfast plate" said Grunty.

"Shucks" Orson blushed "It was nothing"

"Orson my boy, I am in debt to you and I will be your traveling companion until my debt is paid" said Grunty "So where you headed?"

"Nowhere I guess" Orson said sadly "I just kicked out of my barnyard and the new leader will kill me if I ever show my face. I don't know what to do"

"Well Orson, I think what we should do, is go to freedom" said Grunty.

"But where do we go?" asked Orson.

"We go...to America" Grunty replied "In America, the streets are paved with parties and there's not a party where you can't find Marty. Boy, I'm going to have to write that one down"

"So, where's America?" asked Orson.

"That's what we're going to do, Orson" said Grunty "We are going to find America!"

And so, Orson with his new pal, Grunty in tow, went into the sunset and set off to find America. Would they find it?

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **It looks like Orson has escaped his cruel fate of ending up in someone's dinner plate. Since he can't go back to the farm, he must set out on a journey with his new friend, Grunty by his side. But what about his friends? How are they doing? Well you'll have to wait until the next episode. In the meantime, let's get back to Garfield and see what he's up to.**


	3. Sniffle Snelfu

Our story opens up in the Arbuckle residence where we see Garfield and Odie observing Jon talking on the phone.

"I just had to call you, Zelda" he said as he spoke into the phone "That night we had together was such a...Jon. Jon Arbuckle. Yes I'm the one with the cat. So, when are you available?"

"Look Odie, Jon's trying to get a date for tonight" Garfield pointed to Jon "It's so pathetic"

Jon continued talking into the phone "...How about tomorrow? No? Well how about the day after that? How about next week? Exactly how long are you booked? Oh! Well how about after the turn of the century? Okay then. Have a nice millennium"

"So pathetic" Garfield thought.

"I don't get it what's wrong with me" Jon walked over to Garfield "I've been trying so hard to get a date all week. I bought a new suit and everything"

"You're wasting your time, buddy" Garfield leaped up onto the table "You're already up to Zelda Zeekly"

Just then, Garfield started sneezing.

"Say Garfield, what do you think of my new coat?" Jon asked him.

"Hold on" Garfield walked away and then came back with sunglasses on "Try adjusting it to the right. A-a-ACHOOO!"

"Garfield, you have been sneezing all day" said Jon "I hope you're...not...sick! Hey! That's it! I can take you to the vet and ask Liz to go out with me and she'll fall for me and we'll get married and have kids and-"

"Boy, I'm sick and he's already planning a family" Garfield said in his thoughts.

When they arrived at the vet, Garfield keep holding onto the window ledge of the car while Jon kept trying to pry him off.

"Come on" he grunted "You've been here before! No need to be scared!"

"I don't need to go to the vet" Garfield kept holding onto the ledge "I feel just-just-A-a-a-a-ACHOO!"

Garfield sneezed loudly, which caused him to let go of the ledge and him and Jon to crash into a bush.

"You know, maybe we should take you to the vet" Garfield pointed to Jon.

Inside, Liz had been checking up on Garfield.

"Something isn't right with him" she remarked as she checked his paws.

"Something isn't right with me" Garfield thought.

"I'll have to give him a vitamin shot" said Liz.

Upon realizing what Liz said, Garfield started dancing like crazy.

Jon cleared his throat "So Liz..."

"That's DOCTOR Wilson to you, bub!" Liz poked him in the chest.

"So, Dr. Liz, would you like to go out with me?" Jon asked.

"I'd rather slam my head in a car door!" Liz folded her arms.

"Well let's not make sure that happens" Jon grinned.

Jon reached into his coat pocket and put on some sunglasses, but could not see through them.

"Say Liz, do these look cool on me?" Jon unknowingly walked to Liz's coat rack.

"I'd say that, but that's my coat rack you're talking to, buddy" Liz deadpanned.

Jon took off the glasses and walked back to Liz "Liz, you and I were meant to be! I think...oh, who am I kidding? Someone like you would never go out with someone like me"

Liz thought for a moment "Sure Jon, I'll go out with ya"

"Vets always take pity on pathetic humans" Garfield thought.

Later that night, Jon got dressed for his big night out with Liz.

"I'm sorry Garfield, but Liz and I are going out tonight and you're not coming with us" Jon sternly told him.

Garfield then sneezed "You're a cruel man, Jon Arbuckle"

"Besides, you're sick" Jon told him "You're going to have stay home and get well"

Jon tip toed out of the house and into his car, on his way to pick up Liz. Little did he realize that Garfield stowed away in the box of candy Jon was carrying.

"Boy, Jon really doesn't know how sneaky we cats can be" Garfield thought.

Eventually, Jon picked up Liz and they got to the restaurant, where they were discussing Garfield's condition.

"Whatever Garfield has is probably an allergic reaction" said Liz "What has he been eating lately?"

Jon thought for a moment "Let's see...ham, stew, chocolate pie, lasagna, pizza, lamb, veal, chop suey, some tacos, knockwurst, pastrami on rye, vanilla pudding and soup"

"He's eaten all that?" asked Liz.

"No way, that was just breakfast" Jon chuckled "I should've known he was sick when he had no appetite"

Just then, Garfield sneezed.

"Geseuntiet, Garfield" Jon said, not paying attention "So, for lunch he had-GARFIELD?!"

Jon looked down and saw Garfield looking at a menu.

"What would you recommend?" Garfield smirked at his master.

"I thought you were going to leave him at home, Jon!" Liz glared at Jon.

"I thought I was" Jon sighed.

"Bring me an order of everything with everything on it" Garfield handed the waiter the menu, then saw Jon's soup "You gonna eat that?"

Garfield grabbed a straw and drank all of Jon's soup.

"Not bad" Garfield smirked "ACHOO!"

Later, Jon, Liz and Garfield went to the movies. During the film, Jon went to get some snacks. Soon enough, he arrived back with a big bucket of popcorn.

"I thought you were getting a small?" Liz whispered.

"This IS a small" Jon whispered "The large is the size of a computer monitor"

"What could I be allergic to?" Garfield thought "What if its lasagna? How will I survive?"

"Did you have to bring, HIM here?" Liz whispered to Jon.

"If I took him home we'd have missed the movie" Jon whispered "Now be quiet. I wanna figure out who the murderer is"

"What if I'm allergic to cat hair? I'd have to shave everyday" Garfield thought again "I'd look like a hairless mole rat? What if it's lasagna? How would I live?"

Just before the characters in the movie could reveal who the murderer was, Garfield sneezed really loudly, which caused everyone to miss what the character was saying.

"That's it!" Liz shouted "If you can't take care of that cat, then I'm leaving!"

Liz then stormed out of the theater in frustration and anger. While Jon tried to go after her, the usher showed up and threw both him and Garfield out of the theater and onto the curb.

"Well, I hope you're happy!" Jon glared at Garfield.

Garfield rubbed his nose "Hey, you're right. I'm not sneezing"

"And take your coat, too! It's scaring everyone!" the man shouted as he tossed the coat at Jon.

The coat landed on Garfield and he started to sneeze.

"Garfield! It's my new jacket that's making you sneeze!" said Jon "You must be allergic to the fabric in it"

"That explains a lot" Garfield thought.

Just then, a homeless man came by "Hey, can you spare some change?"

Garfield handed the coat to the man "Here, have a coat instead. Not that it's an improvement on your appearance"

The man put on the coat and walked away "Hey, not bad. Thanks"

"Well, that takes care of that, but I still lost Liz" Jon said sadly.

Just then, Liz walked over to Jon and Garfield with a small smile on her face.

"You know Jon, I've been thinking, you really love that cat, don't you?" she asked Jon.

"Of course Liz, I love Garfield" Jon nodded his vigorously.

Garfield jumped into Jon's arms "If you love me, you'll feed me"

"And you know, I guess anybody who loves animals as much you do deserves a second chance" Liz continued "Maybe we can go out some other time"

Liz kissed Jon on the cheek and then walked away.

"Well Garfield, I guess you're worth having around after all" said Jon "Come on, we'll stop and get burgers on the way home"

Just then, Jon realized something and dropped Garfield.

"Except my wallet and keys are...in...that...coat!" he gasped and chased after the homeless man "Hey you get back here! That's my coat!"

Garfield shrugged "One minute, they love ya. Next thing ya know, they leave you"

 **THE END**

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **Well, you know they say "True love never comes off easy". It looks Jon will have to wait a really long time before he can win Liz's heart (or any other woman for that matter). Stay tuned for our next story, coming really soon.**


End file.
